You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
