I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
