He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
