There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
