at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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