you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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