haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
