Where did you get a picture of my penis
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
