I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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