I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
