I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
