i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
