I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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