I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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