Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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