True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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