I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
