she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
