I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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