my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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