every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
