I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
