Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
