He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
