I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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