He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize