am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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