dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
