I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
