What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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