If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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