How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
