Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
