I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
