Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
