She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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