Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
