I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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