i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
