If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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