Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
