you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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