It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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