I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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