thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend