I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.