kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
