He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
