His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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