Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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