I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
