Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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