We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All I want is dick and wine.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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