my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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