Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
