Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
