spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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