Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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