Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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