We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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