we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
