I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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