are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
