I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
