if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
youre lurking in front of me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
