What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
