and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
