Plan B is the new Plan A
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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