I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
