I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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