it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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