you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
