What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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