yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
