i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
